I could not find you anywhere

“I could hear the church bells ringing

They pealed aloud your praise

The member’s faces were smiling

With their hands out stretched to shake

It’s true they did not move me

My heart was hard and tired

Their perfect fire annoyed me

I could not find you anywhere”

”Secret of the Easy Yoke” ~ Pedro the Lion

Courtesy of Wikimedia Commons

I am so tired of hearing all of our beliefs broken down into the oversimplified “us against them”. I am weary of watching people brave enough to work out their faith on their own feet being brought down to their knees by the attacks of others insecurity. I have no more desire to be the vampire on the outside looking in on the healthy well-fed dogma of others.

I don’t have bracelets with cute acronyms; joy can be far too fleeting and elusive. I am not orthodox by any stretch of the imagination – but I feel pretty orthodox to myself.

My beliefs are not like stones, they change from day to day, from month to month, from year to year; most days are not still. There are brief moments when all of this make sense, but most of the time, I am just drifting from outpost to outpost, from shore to shore.

Simple faith eludes me, simple joys elude me. I don’t hear God’s voice and I am almost sure I’ve never seen Him. Your buildings, pews and bright lights do not move me.

I only pray that whoever, or whatever God is, that he/she loves us all.

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8 Comments

  1. Thanks for the link, very true. I think this is a very real part of belief which is all too often underrepresented or swept under the rug…

  2. Glad you did too. Thank you for the very kind words. It’s good to know we aren’t alone.

  3. Great post. I find it interesting that you have found others insecurity to be the source of attacks on where people are in their faith, what it looks like, and what beliefs it contains. I, personally tend to see it as rooted in an absolutist attitude… some believing that there is no better model for approaching religion/spirituality/faith other than their own. I think that absolutism is good for young people as it helps them make sense of the world (think about how crazy life would be for a 15 year old who had nothing concrete to fall back on). However, I think that as we age we, in principle, should begin to depart with those absolutist ideals in pursuit of something more flexible, empathetic, and certainly less condescending. Unfortunately many people refuse to depart with those ideals. Maybe that part of it is the insecurity you talked about. Whatever the case may be, people are generally complex creatures so finding some generalities can be tough sometimes.

  4. Interesting idea. I feel a lot more comfortable encouraging idealism, rather than absolutism. Absolutism can be kind of crazy for a 15 year old too. Especially as it relates to spirituality, you can get a really warped sense of the world and of other cultures if you sip too long from the absolutist cup.

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